Looking Back from a Nearly Empty Nest
...mistakes I made, so you don't have to...
“The loveliest masterpiece of the heart of God is the heart of a mother.”
– Saint Therese of Lisieux
It is Mother’s Day here in the United States, so I am wishing all the mothers out there a Happy Mother’s Day from my home here in rural Oklahoma. This new section of my blog is geared toward my personal reflections on motherhood and home keeping.
At the time of this writing, I am forty-eight years old and while I am the mother of five children, only two are living and both are now adults. I have a daughter who is still at home and going to college while her older brother has his own place and has a steady job, a job you could raise a family with. I am immensely proud of them both and while many times in the past two decades, this particular time in my life seemed a million years away, it is now here, and I am about to embark on a new phase in my life: the empty nest.
‘They’ say hindsight is twenty-twenty, but I am not sure that is enough of a descriptor. Hindsight is dependent on which lens we look at it through. When I am feeling regretful over the mistakes I know I made and look back through the lens of comparing myself to other mothers I admire, I can see a host of things I hope my children have forgotten or can grow from. These include the times when I was too busy trying desperately to get my house perfectly clean or every single stitch of laundry done; or when I was engrossed in one of my own pursuits; or when a sadness had overcome me, distracting me from all else.
When I see the kind and productive adults they have become, hindsight shows me all the times I read to them, played with them, took them on adventures whether that was hiking in a place of natural beauty or marveling at many books at a library. I pray they remember every single one of those moments. I also pray that those far outweigh the moments I regret.
There are things I wish I had shared with them as they grew, and I pray I can instill these in them as adults.
First and foremost, I would have raised them to know that God is real, and He loves and delights in them always. I would raise them to know of Gods mercy and that no matter what they may do in life, He is always calling them to Him. I would also make sure they knew that they could talk to God anytime they wanted to and to encourage them to do so often.
I would have taught them about Mother Mary and how to pray the Rosary. I would have entrusted them to her from the moment I knew of their existence within my womb.
I would tell them about the beauty of silence and the deceptive allure of perpetual noise. I would endeavor to nurture in them the ability to be at peace in the quiet. I would tell them that while there can be a great many good things in music, podcasts, audiobooks and games, that there is something even better in the stillness. It is in the silence that we can hear God and feel His ever-present embrace.
Adding to this, I would teach them the difference between solitude and isolation. Solitude, I would have said, is taking time to be with God away from worldly distractions. In this, you will remember too that you are never alone. These moments are important for many reasons but one of them is that they strengthen you against the lies of the enemy, such as isolation.
Isolation is a deception that makes you think you are far from God and alone in the world with no community or family. Isolation can draw you into the depths of despair and desolation. I pray that if you find yourself under the shadow of isolation that you will not think that you are made to be hopelessly alone. I pray these moments will remind you that you are wonderfully made to draw closer to Him.
I would have taught my kids that although they have lived their entire lives in a world, inundated with screens pleading for their attention, that this is a very new reality. I would have put off giving them screens for as long as possible. I would have filled the house with far more books for them to explore. We would have had far more board games and puzzles and things to do together as a family.
Family dinner around the table would have been the everyday norm. I would have let them help make dinner and taught them how to set a table. This I would have done to help them feel the joy of serving and of accomplishment, of selfless competence in community instead of prideful and lonely self-reliance. Maybe more importantly, that goodly little acts in this world are precious and important not just to the family one belongs but also to the world at large.
These are just a few things that I have been pondering recently. I have so many more reflections to share. Before I leave you, I want to remind you that you are a beloved daughter of God and a bride of Christ. You have a guardian angel as do your children. You have a host of Saints in Heaven to intercede for you in every single thing you journey through as a mother. Don’t get stuck in the lie of perfectionism as you go through your days. When it comes to housework, focus on progress and perseverance and let ‘good enough’ suffice. In all of this, pray. pray, pray and pray some more.
Keep close to God in everything.
